Being a nun doesn’t mean you’re perfect. Nuns may strive for super human goals, but they’re still made of human flesh. They still experience good days and bad days. If there’s one trait that sets them apart, perhaps it’s their relentless and fierce nature to overcome insurmountable obstacles. They never give up in order to reach that clear light in which to reside. They never give up.
A couple weeks ago, I had a bad day. A really really bad day. And it’s surprising (or not) that an onslaught of health problems came for me immediately after that.
You may recall my post about having severe abdominal pains. Well, those pains didn’t actually go away and in fact, worsened at some points.
It’s hard to describe what I went through. But here is a picture, in fragments.
Pain. Unspeakable pain. Pain that contorts your body into an unrecognizable shape and robs you of your breath. Pain that paints your world black and makes everything else cease to matter. Nothing else matters. Nothing else can be seen, heard or felt, except the horrific pain that clenches your every sensation. In this moment of darkness, the only person I beg to see is the person who can relieve me of my suffering, the person who can take this living hell out of my body.
When you come out of an experience of intense physical suffering that has been prolonged over the span of weeks, some things are changed forever.
The first thing I wrote on my phone afterwards was:
To do anything without pain is the greatest blessing. To not be in physical suffering is the greatest blessing. I cannot express how much weight this lesson holds for me. It’s easy to not think about the state of our health and bodies, especially if we are not feeling much of anything at all. But after enduring weeks of pain, going back to physical comfort is such sweet relief. Unparalleled relief.
- Health care workers. They are angels in the sea of suffering. When I was drowning, no one around me could help, no matter how much they loved me. But in my mind, I knew doctors were the ones who could actually do something and they shown like beacons of brilliant, luminous light. I held immense gratitude for these people that their skills and expertise could alleviate hurt.
- Emotions affect health. I already talked about this before. But it’s worth repeating. I know my health issues were stemmed directly from the bad day I had. My emotions tend to be very powerful and my body is sensitive, resulting in quick results like this. Positive emotions = good health. Negative emotions = bad health. Mind controls all.
- Family is everything.
I made a wish at the Kaiser pond that if I ever got better, I would come back Version 2.0. 🙂 And I intend to keep my promise. I’m going to live out the lesson I learned.
Please do not worry about me at all or ask about what happened. Everything is fine now and I am actually extremely grateful for the lessons I came away with. I believe the entire situation was orchestrated for my advancement, as I feel stronger and better than I ever did. Love you all.